Three Swords Style
by SkittlesTheUnicorn
Summary: Zoro loses a bet with Nami and has to pay up. Pure crack. Songfic no pairings


**Song is a parody of Lou Bega's "Mambo No. 5" called "Three Swords Style". Lyrics by thefilkmongler on livejournal. You can find Rian Lewis's performance of it on YouTube.**

 **I do not own either version, nor do I own One Piece**

 **Hope you enjoy! :)**

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Do I really have to do this? This is so stupid," Zoro complained as he and Nami joined the rest of the crew on deck. The swordsman had a big scowl on his face, and his arms were crossed irritably.

Nami grinned at him mockingly. "You lost the bet, Zoro. This is your punishment for thinking you could bet against _me_. Now get up there and sing, or would you rather I tripled your debt again?"

The swordsman grumbled under his breath, but diligently hopped up onto the small stage that Usopp had built for this occasion.

Clearing his throat, he addressed his small audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is 'Three Swords Style'."

Chopper, Luffy, and Usopp immediately started clapping, cheering loudly. Behind them, Nami and Sanji were trying to contain their giggles at the swordsman's obvious discomfort.

Zoro gave Usopp a nod, and the sniper hurried to start the right track on his small boom box. A simple techno beat started playing, and the swordsman bounced a little in time with it as he prepared to sing.

"One, two, three swords style:

Ex-pirate-hunter Zoro is going wild."

Zoro could hear Sanji's obnoxious laughter at the ridiculous lyrics but ignored it. If he stopped singing now, Nami would probably make him do something even worse, and he did not want to know what other evil schemes that witch had up her sleeve. He closed his eyes and tried to block out everything but the music.

"I'm on a quest to be number one;

I won't stop until I know that I'm second to none.

I've gotta train hard to prove my place.

I can't lose face; I must make haste."

The swordsman was actually starting to have some fun with this. On a whim, he opened his eyes and started dancing along to the beat.

"With Luffy," he sang and pointed a finger at the rubber man.

"And Usopp, and Chopper, and Nami," he called, pointing at each of his nakama in turn.

"And that stupid moron chef with his eyebrow all curly." Zoro twirled his finger around his eyebrow mockingly and smirked at the outraged look on the cook's face.

"I fight with courage. In each hand, a sword.

I won't stop 'til I find my reward," he sang, shaking his finger with a grin.

"Anything goes; I'm all out

When I duel them, you know that I rule them."

The chorus started, and at this point Luffy had dragged Usopp and Chopper up to dance like complete idiots. Zoro laughed at their ridiculous flailing of limbs.

"Wado Ichimonji is my life.

Sandai Kitetsu by my side.

Old Yubashiri swingin' free;

Brings all my enemies to their knees." He pointed his hands downwards with a wiggle of his hips to mime his imaginary foes falling to their knees.

"The evil cursed blade will have some fun,

Slayin' no-good pirates one by one.

I'm gonna train to be the best I can.

Gonna be the world's number one swordsman!"

There was a break, and he joined the idiot trio in their dancing. Even Sanji was grinning and tapping his foot. When the two big beats signaled the start of the next verse, Zoro hopped back up on the stage and continued singing.

"Move like the wind; you know they can't defend.

The blades move as one. Before you know it, I'm done." He swayed and moved his arms as if attacking an invisible enemy.

"A stab to the left," he sang, bringing his left arm up sharply.

"A slash to the right." Zoro whipped his right arm in a deadly arc.

"Make the swords parallel then upward slice." He brought his arms together in the middle and sliced upwards as if he was delivering the final blow.

"Attack on one, and sheath on two." He pretended to sheath his swords with a flourish.

"Better look sharp, I'm a-comin' for you," he threatened darkly, pointing at Usopp as the sniper quivered in his boots. Zoro wasn't sure if he was faking or not.

"A dose of Tatsumaki cleans the slate.

A vicious Toragari you love to hate.

Sanzen Sekai wins the game."

He pointed a thumb at his chest proudly as he sang the next line: "Roronoa Zoro, that's my name."

"Yaki Oni Giri: I'm on fire." He waggled his fingers as he brought his hands upwards to mimic the flames.

"A bit of Ushibari takes me higher.

I'll beat that Mihawk I know I can.

Gonna be the world's number one swordsman!"

There was another brake, and Zoro took the time to catch his breath a little. The music started playing long tones, and Zoro shook his hands at different levels to match the pitches. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were quick to follow him.

There were two loud beats, and Zoro jutted his hips out in time with them before singing the chorus again.

"Wado Ichimonji is my life." This time, he actually drew out his swords one by one, starting with his precious white one.

"Sandai Kitetsu by my side." He put Wado in his mouth so he could draw out the third sword, so his words got a little jumbled as he kept singing.

"Old Yubashiri swingin' free;

Brings all my enemies to their knees.

The evil cursed blade will have some fun,

Slayin' no-good pirates one by one." Zoro ran through a few moves, pretending to slay his enemies.

"I'm gonna train to be the best I can.

Gonna be the world's number one swordsman!" He hurriedly sheathed his swords to start the last verse.

"I train all day," he sang, curling his arms in as if doing his daily reps.

"Find those evil pirates and I make them pay.

Victory comes with a satisfying snap." He snapped his fingers with a grin.

"That was fun; time for a nap." And with that, Zoro promptly plopped down into a cross-legged position and fell asleep.

The rest of the crew laughed at him, but continued to dance as the music finished playing. When the last loud beats sounded, they all joined the swordsman in a pile on the deck as they caught their breath, grins on every one of their faces. One by one, they all fell asleep, and the Going Merry sailed on.


End file.
